Creativity: the symptoms

Creativity is like a chemical reaction.

Different substances within your being, your mind, your heart come together and are shaken up by everyday living. What are these substances? That depends. Sometimes you're clear on that, sometimes you're not.

But what you do know is you can feel it. You feel those symptoms coming on: sometimes mildly, other times like an allergic reaction with the first sensations standing as a promise of the flood of more to come.

Your head grows cloudy. So many elements bouncing around accompanied by a constant awareness of the kinetic energy, yet with so little sharpness. It's not that everything appears to you as if you suddenly went blind, but more like you forgot to put in your contacts, and these things are just darting in and out of your visual crispness range. So much color, texture, sound, and intrigue getting sharp for half a breath, then fuzzy again. It feels good to you, because you feel this upward force of want-of-existence. These organisms fighting to be birthed amongst their siblings and competitors. So many, it's overwhelming.

Step away from that, and look at another side of it. The terrible itch. Undefined ideas lie at your fingertips, always begging and teasing you and playing at the edge of your range of motion. While grasping at them can be exhausting and taxing, you gain an increasing and unyielding itch that takes over your system and tears at your mind. The itch to create. Focus is needed for the to-do's of your day, yet all your inner vision can focus on is how itchy it feels and the need to scratch it.

You sit in this sort of sadistic cycle and try to muster enough energy to plunge in. It's like swimming in a sea of souls, each grasping at you to suffocate you or give you strength: which one is a total gamble. You forever tread the waters to preserve your life, unwilling to give up such a heart-jarring condition, yet always wishing it didn't feel like a shackle on your mind.

Hoping someone who doesn't experience it can grasp the concept is like trying to explain the bad allergic reactions you get when you encounter that which your body rejects... to someone allergy-free. Perhaps your symptoms differ from mine. Either way, I thought I'd try to put down in words a small glimpse of what my personal creativity neuroticisms looked like.

Now... Back to figuring out what to do with it all and how to lasso and birth something. Cause all I know is it itches. Badly.
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